Of Psychopaths, Black Cats and the Apocalypse
by Angela and MiniMix
Summary: Mello excels at his Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, but excels more so at the Arts themselves./Momentary HIATUS will be updated when chapter is finished.
1. So it begins

I don't want to say too much and give everything away before you even read it, but I'll set things straight right now so that it makes actual sense. (As much sense as my stuff ever makes, anyway.)

**Voldemort does not exist.**In this Death note Harry Potter mixture of sorts, Tom Marvolo Riddle AKA Lord Voldemort has never and will never exist. Someone else takes that role, without actually fulfilling the role. It's... kind of weird and hard to explain. You have to read it to understand, but I must insist that you take everything you know about Harry Potter canon and throw it out the window because it doesn't exactly apply here very well. This is more of a strange twisted Potter world.

* * *

There's something oddly soothing about waving a wand - _Swish and _flick_, Mr. Keehl, and don't forget to pronounce it correctly_ - and repeating the same phrase over and over to Mello, and he doesn't quite understand why but it is and that's enough for him.

_Swish, flick - _mustn't forget the flick Mr. Keehl, you know, that's what drives the spell - _pronounce. Repeat._

Nate never forgets to flick.

Mello would love to hit him with an Unforgivable Curse, but the disappointed look on Dumbledore's face wouldn't be worth the trouble. Sometimes he doesn't care what Dumbledore would think, and those are the times when he takes his wand and his Charms books and hides in the Astronomy tower to wave his wand and practice.

He hears the whispering in the halls about the boy with only a letter for a name, hears how he's such a genius and only the strange boy Nate River is close to his level of talent.

Mello's fellow Slytherins give him looks of disgust, the perpetually angry blond boy with the filthy Muggle parents who abandoned him when they discovered their strange son had 'magic'; Dumbledore had promised to tell no one that his parents had abandoned their son to the care of the young Professor upon discovering his was not normal, but somehow the secret had gotten out as secrets were wont to do.

He didn't care about his parents so much. He'd never liked them anyway, and he'd stopped referring to himself as Mihael Keehl once he'd come up with a better name for himself.

_Mello_.

Nothing stupid like 'Lord Mello', or 'Dark Lord', or anything. Just 'Mello'.

It takes a bit of effort to maneuver himself into the good graces of his Housemates -they still dislike the filthy Mudblood among them, but Mello can be persuasive when he wants something and even Dumbledore was a fool for his charming wit when Mello was on the hunt -, but eventually Mello has a small group wrapped around his finger and following him around Hogwarts like puppies. Of course, most of the Fifth year's small group are Fourth and Third year Slytherins and a single Second year, so it was easy to make them do as he pleased.

Most of their time is spent tormenting younger students (mainly of the Gryffindor variety), and practicing the Dark Arts on small animals. Mello excels at his Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, but excels more so at the Arts themselves.

This is a fact he kept away from Dumbledore, who'd become his unofficial guardian. The summers he spends in the tiny London orphanage are for his own good, Dumbledore promises, because it will keep him grounded in the Muggle world and help him to remember his 'roots'. Mello has the sneaking suspicion that Dumbledore is not interested in reminding him of his 'roots' so much as he is interested in trying to keep Mello from becoming too wrapped up in the power trip he receives from lording over his group.

Nate has no such group, and Mello loves the thrill of knowing he has something Nate lacks, natural leadership skills.

The L boy isn't much better. He is a popular topic of discussion - _"Did you hear? That L kid got another Outstanding in Potions and it only took him five minutes to finish his potion!" _-, but students avoid him like he's some sort of freak, and he isn't known for being friendly anyhow.

Mello loathes him as much as he loathes Nate.

**xxxxx**

It doesn't take long after leaving Hogwarts for Mello's emotions to best him, and soon he is known across England for his use of the Unforgivable Curses; most notably the Cruciatus Curse, in solving disputes.

Dumbledore wonders where he went wrong with the blond, but Mello promises that Dumbledore did nothing wrong before the green bolt drains the life from his Professor's eyes.

* * *

I don't know exactly what is up with this. I'm thinking of adding more chapters. I guess you could call this a prologue-trailer of sorts?

Well, either way, the world of Harry Potter will be _completely_ different with Dumbledore dead, if I do end up continuing this. I'll leave this up to you guys to decide if I should continue with this, I guess.


	2. Forwards, Backwards, Diagon Alley

Pardon the switch from present to past tense but the muse refused to continue in present tense because it just wouldn't work. To be honest, I'm not liking this chapter all that much. It's got humor, it's got Mello, it's got Potter and it's got Matt. It's just a bitch to write, I think is the problem. Trying to get it to flow properly and feel smooth instead of choppy and forced, as it turns out, is not what this chapter wanted to do.

So, uhm. I apologize if this feels forced and choppy and totally not cool (that's how it feels to me, maybe I'm just picky?). But I'm not giving up on this baby just yet. I've got all sorts of plans for Hogwarts, and Hermione and Ron and Death Eaters and _Draco_. -vague hand flails in direction of chapter- Yeah, please ignore my ramblings and read on. I'll try harder, I swear. (Keep an eye out for _Another Note_ reference, by the way. )

As a sidenote, this fic has been fondly termed "Mellomort", for those of you who want to giggle about it.

* * *

Harry Potter was, without a doubt, the most infuriating eleven year old Mello had ever had the misfortune to raise.

He had been at least ten times _less_ annoying during their initial meeting during Potter's infancy, where he'd wailed like a banshee for a solid three hours before Mello had calmed him down.

Of course, the reason he'd been wailing in the first place had been because Mello had just driven both of his parents into insanity with an overuse of the Cruciatus Curse, first because James had drunkenly spilled Fire Whiskey all over his favorite leather pants and then because Lily Potter had not taken the news that her husband was insane with much grace.

Mello didn't handle women screaming at him very well. (He didn't count sex, because women usually screamed pleasant things at him during sex, not "You're a heartless monster and you deserve to be in Azkaban," etc, etc.)

Harry still hadn't forgiven him for that mishap either. (He knew about his parents because Mello had taken him to see them every weekend since the day he'd taken him in. Harry never failed to be an utter brat immediately after every visit, either.) Mello couldn't _wait_ until Harry had received his Hogwarts letter and he could send the brat off to school and only have to see him a few months out of every year for the next seven years.

**xxxxx  
**

The day Harry's letter arrived, Mello was more excited than the boy in question.

"You're _finally_ going to Hogwarts!" he crowed excitedly, dragging poor Harry around the house to pack things Mello deemed necessary for schooling. "You're going to need quills and parchment, I have those all over the place... And here's some books for evening reading because you'll probably get bored." He piled books into Harry's arms, grinning like a maniac.

"I'm finally free of you! Not that you can't come back during holidays and summer of course, but please for the love of Merlin make some friends so that I can be free of you for the majority of the year? Your sulking gets on my nerves."

"Uh, right then..."

"Excellent. We'll go to Diagon Alley tomorrow after breakfast to get the school supplies that I can't scrounge up for you already. Let me see that list."

Harry handed it over before wandering off to find something to do, leaving Mello alone to see what Harry would need.

**xxxxx**

It was decided the next day that Harry would not need to buy a cauldron, scales or other such things needed for Potions classes, as Mello had some of his own school things, which were still usable. Harry could have those. The rest, such as schoolbooks and a new owl (the owl they'd had before had been hit by lightening the other week during a delivery and Mello had yet to replace it, so he had told Harry that since they were going to get a new owl anyway he might as well get one for Harry too.), and other things would be bought in Diagon Alley.

Mello had never taken Harry to Diagon alley before as he'd done most of his shopping in Muggle stores or by owl-post, so Harry's initial impression of Diagon Alley was marked by crowds, loud noises and excessive swearing from Mello when a wizard had mistaken the blond in Muggle clothing for an actual Muggle and had almost wiped his memory of Diagon Alley.

He was saved from a memory wipe by a quick sidestep, a schoolbook and Harry kicking the poor wizard in the shin. When he'd realized it was _Mello_ he'd been about to use magic on, the poor man nearly had a heart attack and scrambled off, spouting apologies and _my deepest regrets my good sir, please forgive me, I didn't mean anything by it, good day!_

It was around lunchtime that Harry and Mello ran into one of Mello's old classmates, Matt. They'd been standing at a pet shop with an owl display, trying to decide which two of the owls they would buy when the door swung open, catching Mello in the side and sending him stumbling for three steps. The building rage had died when he'd spotted the redhead in goggles wearing an apron with the shop logo, and he'd actually laughed.

"Matt, really? I didn't think I'd ever see your Hufflepuff ass again."

"Funny. I could say the same about your Slytherin ass."

Mello waved a hand. "Yes, well. I had other things to do," he answered, glancing down when Harry coughed. "Oh, right. This is Harry Potter. My sort of ward."

Matt raised an eyebrow, holding the door for the two as they moved inside. "Sort of ward?"

"Yeah. I cursed his parents insane-"

"I'm still mad at you for that."

"So I've been raising him the past eleven years."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised. I heard you were running all over the country cursing people left and right, then there was just silence with only an occasional curse. Was wondering what happened." He moved behind the counter as Harry went to inspect the owls. Mello leaned on the counter.

"Trying to make a baby stop screaming like a banshee makes it rather hard to 'run around the country cursing people left and right'. And I wasn't cursing them left and right. I was cursing idiots who fucked with me."

"And Dumbledore?"

"..The old badger had it coming. Sending me back to that Wammy's every summer and on holidays? I hold grudges, you should know that by now."

Matt snorted. "I know. Considering you held a grudge for me for four years over some silly prank."

"I got you back for it-Harry stop poking the owls and pick one."

"I _am_ picking one," he snapped back. "I don't want a stupid owl. I want a smart one."

"If it's a smart one you're after, try the white one on the left. She's a bitch, but she can spell with magnets, which is more than the rest of them can do. I think she might know a few tricks too, if you offer some treats."

"I'll take her then."

Matt rang up the price for the owl, then a price for a second when Mello chose one for himself and after a few more moments of idle conversation, Harry and Mello left the shop. Harry named both owls on their way to lunch; Hedwig for his own, and Backyard Bottomslash for Mello's. He refused to tell Mello why he'd chosen _that_ name for the owl, but Mello wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

**xxxxx**

Hogwarts was larger than Harry had expected, even after Mello's descriptions and promises that the castle-school was larger than anything Harry had ever seen before.

He couldn't stop staring, even after he'd climbed into the boat with a bunch of other first years following Hagrid's calls of "Firs' years! Firs' years come this way!", and his mouth fell open when they'd gotten closer and he realized that Hogwarts was even larger up close than it was from across the lake.

He couldn't wait to see inside.

* * *

**IRRELEVANT SIDENOTE THAT IS OPTIONAL TO READ BUT OFFERS GREAT THINGS TO THOSE OF YOU WHO READ AND AGREE. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE:** I am currently offering a oneshot-in-return-for-art trade. My friend Contemptus and I have two Death note RP OC's who we ship together so hard, and we really _really_ want fanart of these guys. (Because omfg guys, seriously these boys as a pairing is beyond epic with the way they interact.) So, anyone willing to draw fanart of our boys for us will receive oneshots in return. PM me for more details and to work out the whole trade thing, if you're interested. (If you happen to use dragcave. net, I am totally willing to give you two gold eggs in exchange for fanart if you want.)


	3. The Boy Who Kind of Broke Things

I'm sorry this chapter is so short guys. I wanted to make it longer, but I really wanted to give everyone at least _something_ before I left for the weekend in about two hours from now. Going to Anime Boston. :D (Badge name is Bakura, so if you're going to be there during any of the three days, feel free to say hi X3~ (I tend to wander so if you see me and wanna catch me, be quick. XD))

I promise a longer chapter next chapter.

* * *

Harry had heard a lot of things on the Hogwarts Express; things ranging from _"Did you know the Headmaster's name is _Near_?"_, (Near? What kind of name was _Near_?) to _"I heard a _mermaid_ teaches flying lessons!"_. Some of the rumors were strange but probably true, where as others were downright absurd. Honestly, mermaids don't know how to fly! Anyone could tell you _that_.

But nothing Mello told him or that he'd heard on the train could accurately describe Hogwarts, he was certain. Harry couldn't think of any words that could, but eventually decided that Hogwarts just felt _right_.

Hogwarts was the feeling you got when mother hugged you tight and told you she loved you.

Hogwarts was _home_. (Mello had said the same once, a long time ago after mommy had stopped loving him. Care workers were there to feed and clothe, not to give hugs and kisses to a child who could set fires with his thoughts. Hogwarts had let him forget.) Harry loved it immediately.

**xxxxx**

The Sorting was nothing like any of the rumors either. One boy had said that his older brothers had to fight a troll during their Sorting the year before, and that made most of the new students rather nervous, Harry included. He couldn't fight a troll, no matter how stupid Mello said they were.

When the Sorting turned out to involve nothing but a stuffy old hat yelling out House names at random, everyone was relieved.

Harry wasn't sure which House he wanted to be in, to be honest. He'd heard lots of Slytherin horror stories, both on the train and from Mello himself.

When it was finally his turn to sit on the stool to be Sorted, he was vaguely relieved to hear "RAVENCLAW!" was his new house.

He was only halfway to his new table before the Hat suddenly bellowed, "I MEAN GRYFFINDOR-WAIT, PERHAPS SLYTHERIN!" It was followed by complete silence, because never in Hogwarts history had the Hat ever changed its mind about the placement. The Hat began to argue quietly with itself as everyone watched.

Near's quiet musings on the fifty percent chance of enchanted objects going insane echoed in the silence, before the Hat spoke again.

"Boy, come sit back down and let me have another go at you!"

Slowly, Harry turned and moved back to the stool, sliding onto it quietly. The Hat was replaced on his head, and he waited nervously. Everyone staring at him like that was a little creepy, and sort of unnerving. It was as if he'd broken their Hat or something.

_There's anger here, lots of it,_ he heard in his ear. The Hat.

_Someone named Mello? Ah, I remember Mello. He was an interesting child, you know. Very angry, very bright, so much ambition that he was only suited for Slytherin. You're very much alike-Oh? You don't think so? Interesting_. _You would do well in any of the Houses, if you only straightened out this mess of a mind and decided which you liked most- Of course you can choose, boy. _Everyone_ chooses their House, they simply don't know they've chosen. I don't yell houses at random- ...You thought I did? I am offended you think me so useless, but I... Yes, well. I think you'll do best in Gryffindor then, if that's how you feel about it._

"GRYFFINDOR!"

**xxxxx**

For the first three days of the school term, Mello reveled in the silence that accompanied a house _without_ Harry Potter.

On the fourth day, he realized he was bored.


	4. Letters

So, one of the people I ramble mercilessly at about these chapters as I write them asked me an interesting question. "So, if Sirius isn't in Azkaban for murder, why didn't _he_ raise Harry, since he's his godfather. Speaking of, where _is_ he?"

The answer to that plothole, dear readers, is 'alcohol'. Sirius black was off on holiday in Florida, getting drunk and making out with various blond, scantily clad women the night his best friend and said friend's wife were driven into insanity and their precious son Harry was taken away by Mello.

"But Angela!" you must be asking. "Why didn't he come looking for Harry, or why didn't Mello go looking for Sirius!" This plothole also has an answer, of course.

Mello searched for Sirius, but after three weeks of being unable to find our lovely drunken Mr. Black, he gave up in frustration and just raised poor Harry himself. Mr. Black, on the other hand, could find no traces of Harry, since no one had known he was even missing until Sirius brought it to their attention, and even then no one knew who'd actually _taken_ Harry.

Long story short, Sirius Black is a lazy, drunken git and Mello was too impatient to wait around for him to return so Mello could get rid of Harry.

The Wizarding World needs better Social Services. :D

Also, in irrelevant news, the song "fer sure" by the medic Droid is Mellomort's song. Totally.

* * *

Backyard Bottomslash, Mello decided, was the _weirdest_ name for an owl he had ever heard of.

The owl in question however, was the best delivery owl he'd ever owned. Twice as fast as his old owl (poor thing with the lightning, Merlin rest its soul), and able to carry three times as many letters at once.

After spending the fourth, fifth and sixth day of the new Hogwarts year drinking and re-establishing old 'friendships' with fellow Slytherins and Mr. Hufflepuff Matt, he'd spent the seventh day lying in bed with a hangover the size of the United States.

Sunday, Backyard Bottomslash swooped into the window of the house and dropped a letter in Mello's breakfast cereal. He opened it slowly, drying it off with a muttered spell and reading it.

_Mello,_

_It's Harry, obviously. Just thought you might like to know I've settled in nicely, and that Hogwarts is a nice place. Also, I'm not quite sure why, but everyone everyone keeps staring at me and whispering. I think I broke their sorting hat, because it changed its mind about what House I'd be in, and ever since then this annoying blond boy (He said his name was Draco Malfoy) has been calling me the 'boy who broke things' because of it._

_Hermione Granger (she's a Gryffindor like me) told me that the Hat has _never_ changed its mind before in the entire history of Hogwarts._

_Isn't that strange that it'd do so for me?_

_From,  
Harry._

**xxxxx**

_Harry,_

_You break everything you touch, don't you? Sheesh, you're worse than an angry Kneazle on catnip._

_Anyhow, I think you should just ignore them. Kids everywhere are the same and gossip attracts them like flies to a dead carcass. This Draco Malfoy of yours, just tell him I told him to fuck off. I'm pretty sure if you throw my name around a bit, people will leave you alone. (Your parents weren't the only people I cursed, you know? I'm pretty sure for awhile the Wizarding World was planning to go to war with me except that I didn't really do anything except curse idiots. The world's better off without them, you know. Morons.) Glad you like Hogwarts, I loved it too._

_Mello._

**xxxxx**

_Mello,_

_Draco doesn't believe that I know you. He says I'm lying to get attention. What should I do?_

_Harry._

**xxxxx**

_Harry,_

_Kid's a fool. Ignore him. Curse him. Whatever, doesn't really matter, since he's just an idiot. How's classes going?_

_Mello._

**xxxxx**

_Mello,_

_Classes are going fine. I'm really good at Transfiguration and DADA. I think that's your fault by the way. Professor Snape, my Potions teacher, seems to hate me though. I don't know why, since I never did anything to him. Do you know Snape, by any chance? I think you'd like him, honestly. He's mean and sour, kind of like you. But I don't think girls throw themselves at him like they did to you that time we went on vacation in Florida. ...It _was_ Florida, right? Well, whatever._

_McGonagall is about to teach now, so I'll write again later,_

_Harry._

**xxxxx**

_Harry,_

_The guy sounds like an idiot. Snape, right? I'll stop into Hogsmeade sometime this year and have a chat with him. Have fun in class._

_Mello._

**xxxxx**

_Mello,_

_Okay. Can you send me more parchment by the way? I seem to be running out..._

_Harry._

**xxxxx**

_Harry,_

_Sure, sure. I enclosed some in this letter. Should last you awhile. If not, write back. Be good._

_Mello.  
_

_

* * *

_Letters are fun. -wiggles-


End file.
